Growing up with fighting parents who quarrel about everything is devastating to any child. The collateral damage that comes from such parents can affect the entire life of a child. Most parents assume that they can prevent their children from detecting how marital conflicts are affecting them. Children are, however, conflict analysts who notice more than the parents realize.
According to a survey, children who grow up in conflicting families develop anxiety, worry, and distress. This can affect their physical and mental state. Distress from home may affect their academic performance due to lack of concentration and health problems like headaches and stomach problems.
In as much as we cannot avoid conflicts at home, how we handle the situation can affect a child tremendously. Using tactics such as verbal or physical aggression as well as withdrawing from a partner are not effective ways to solve relationship problems. Today, we will help a child who witnesses such conflicts know how to cope at home.
Avoid taking sides
If you must be involved in an argument that includes both parents, do not side with any of them. Lack of giving your opinion even when they ask you to, will prevent the situation from getting out of hand. Staying out of it will reduce the emotions that you may be dealing with. The only circumstance where you should intervene, is when they are getting physically abusive. In this case, do not try to separate them alone, but seek help from a neighbor or a family friend.
Find your sanctuary
Conflicting parents can make you feel unsafe in your own home. Identifying a spot that calms you down will prevent you from hearing their argument. Prevent yourself from worries by locking yourself in your room until everybody is peaceful. You can also walk out for some air and give them space to sort out their issues as you find your peace outside the house.
Visit a friend
Your friend can cheer you up during such moments. Use them a distraction for the lack of peace at home. Don’t feel pressured to explain the circumstances if you are not ready to talk about it.
Listen to music or watch movies
If it is at night too late to leave home, let music calm your nerves away from the arguments. You can also focus on your favorite series instead of the noise in the living room. A video game will also keep you occupied as you focus your attention on the match disregarding the fights. Tackle your responsibilities during this time such as doing your assignments from school. This will help you avoid being anxious and prevents you from depression.
Studies show that most children who witness marital conflicts turn to substance dependence due to self-blame. Even if you are the subject of the dispute, this should not make you blame yourself. Instead of finding better solutions to the problem, they are to blame for choosing to quarrel over such issues.Turning to drugs will not change the situation but only lead you to dependence. Find help from Rehab information in Kansas to help you improve your self-esteem to deal with self-doubt.
Don’t predict negative outcomes
Not all arguments have to lead to a breakup. As a child, you should not overthink about daily discussions at home. Sometimes, a couple may be going through a phase of frustration which does not necessarily mean that it cannot be resolved. As long as there is still love between them, you should remain confident that the stage will soon pass. Conflicts tend to bring adults closer than they were, since each person raises their concerns to understand the other side of the coin.
Find healthy relationships
Further research reveals that such children grow up with social problems due to lacking examples from their families. Instead of letting your conflicting parents affect your social behaviors, learn how to maintain healthy relationships. Teach yourself better communication skills and get past trust issues so that you can develop better ties than your parents’.
If they are daily recurring fights, be open to possibilities
Most marital relationships who use aggressive means to solve challenges end up separated or divorced. Being open to this idea will psychologically prepare you for anything. Avoid worrying and obsessing about things you cannot control. Learn to adjust to any changes that may come along with their decision.
Express your feelings in constructive ways
Intense quarrels may make you feel insecure and afraid of going back home. After school, instead of thinking of the scenario let go of your emotions through engaging in a sport. Take it all out in a football practice as you reduce your anxiety. Such methods put you in better moods for you to find the energy to head home.
Confide in a counselor
If the conflicts are affecting you emotionally, talk to your school counselor so that it does not translate to lack of concentration in class. The counselor can also recommend you to family therapy to help your parents get better ways of communicating with each other. Bringing a third party helps resolve issues from a rational point with being biased.
Make your parents aware of how bad the quarrels affect you
Talking to your parents about how their relationship is affecting you will make them reduce conflicts. Be calm when expressing this and bring up the matter when they are in good moods. This will also make them start being conscious about your presence during the tense moments for them to raise arguments in private.
Every couple fights in once in a while. Conflicts are sometimes healthy to strengthen your relationship. How people react to fights is what makes it unhealthy. Aggression during disagreements affects children more than parents realize. Doctors reveal that a six-month-old child can register a parent’s distress. Therefore, keeping children away from adult talk prevents them from being affected physically, mentally and socially. Though we don’t choose our families, we can learn how to cope with such challenges. Implementing the tactics we have discussed will help you find peace in an unsettled home.